Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
