I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
