half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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