You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
