I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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