i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I cockslap morals
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is my gift to your gina
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
