I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize