I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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