Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
