Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
