We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
