So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
