i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
