i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
