Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
