I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
