thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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