it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
