smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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