I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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