one two three fourrrrnication!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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