Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
