I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize