Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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