You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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