Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
