Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
