tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Mom said you looked used
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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