Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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