When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
