Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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