your thong is hanging out like whoa
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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