so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
