I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
