went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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