I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
