Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
