i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This house was built for laser tag.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
