I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
