DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
