wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Blood and glitter go together right?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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