it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
