my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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