That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
