FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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