Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
