but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
