Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
