Sponge bath it is.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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