She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
