I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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