Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
