I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
