Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
