Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
