I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
