Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
