Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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