my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
