i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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