you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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