At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize