well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My bed smells like the plague
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