so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize