he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize