You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize