don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize