I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
