I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
