You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
