Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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