New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
