I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I could have mohawked her pubes.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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