So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
