It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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