Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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