I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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