Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
