Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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