Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
